Day to day at CST and the demise of a loyal Messenger.

all of the org staff up at Rim forest were trusted and very trust worthy.  We all got along quite well and were allowed to leave the base from time to time. Durring the hollidays we were given a bonus and were even bused down to the local mall to get christmas gifts. We were also bused to the New years events so that we could stay current on all the great wins that Scientology was enjoying.  Being up at CST it was easy to be completly out of the loop and loose touch with any and all friends that were not in the CST org.

So before my trip With Russ Bellin I tried to get anything pressing at the base handled as I did not know how long I would be gone or where I was even going for thaqt matter. As I said one of the main stats for the Estates Sec is Square Paces. this is sort of a strange stat as is requires the Dir I&R to calc the stat and tell you what it is. So before I left I got with the Dir I&R CST mike wheeler, and let him know that I would be leaving with the CO. I gave him the aprox number of square paces for that week but told him if his inspection came up different then to report his number.  More on that later.

So Tom vorm, Russ Bellin and I all jumped into the car and headed down to the ontario airport. Over supper I was briefed where we were going and that only a few people knew of any of theese external bases.  Russ told me that we had been working a deal with Catapillar on purchasing diesel generators for the New Mexico vault site and that part of my job as Estates Sec would be doing this for the other sites.  after a flight to catapillar headquartes and getting the deal finalized we were off to New Mexico.  We arrived at the new mexico site quite late and stayed at the staff house.  The next day We made our rounds of the property. We had one staff member running the project and using outside contractors to get all of the work done.  the Vault (underground storage facility) was completed but the house near it had not, the LRH house there was about 75% done but needed a bit of debugging. the gen set pads were finished and waiting for the arrival of the cat Generators and the runway was pretty much completed. The NM site was the first vault that was completed. The Rim Forest base vault was nearing compleation but had run into a few snags due to concrete weight etc. Other sites were being scouted out and the Central calif site had been purchased but was having planning problems due to fault lines etc. 

durring a visit to a external site and upon arrival back to the Rim forest base I found that my 2D (bronwyn) was no longer on post and had been sent down to RTC to work on the Decks and get a battery of Sec checking. The reason was her main stat had been in Non E for months.  No note no nothing just a R factor from my DCOI that she was doing decks work.  months went by and I hear nothing from her, it made me very sad to be away from her. Nothing like when we were seperated, when I was at PAC as I knew that we were working on getting me up to CST, This was different.  I was then told that Bronwyn was not expediting for RTC HCO, in fact she is in the picture of the RTC STAFF. THe one at the Star of Calif.  reality set in and I really felt like we would not be together.

I did not have much time to think about this as I was neck deep trying to keep all the const projects going. Durring another trip out to the N.M. site I gave the I&R what I assumed would be the square paces stat, again saying that if it was different please report what he came up with. Thinking nothing of it I left. after only a few days I was reached out in N.M. and told that I needed to return to the Rim Forest base.  upon arrival to the base I had a HCO escort and was told to grab a few things. No one would look at me or was allowed to talk to me. I got this sick feeling but had no idea what was going on. I started self lisiting as to what the heck it could be that I was in trouble for? I could not come up with anything. Come to find out I was R factored that I was being assigned to MEST work for false reporting my Square PAces stat. I could not believe it and sorta laughed, thinking that this wouls and could be cleared up very easy. The first time I was able to talk with Shelly M I explained what must have been a simple mix-up but the Dir I&R said that is the stat that was reported and it was false. I explained I was not even at the base and had given him the stat like that many times with no problems. He would correct it if it differed when he finished his inspection. For some reason this time was different?

Over the next few weeks a few more CST staff showed up to the reservation (ranch) to do mest work. IT was quite odd. We were kept out there and fed out there with the cadet org. A number of dumpsters were brought out and we were told that we needed to throwaway this huge pile of mest that was sitting under tarps. At the time none of us thought anything of it. it was quite a large pile, at least the size of a football field.  Years later it hit me like a tun of bricks. ALl that stuff was from blown or routed out staff members. It really goes to show one how easy it is to over look something staring you right in the face.  while we were throwing all of this MEST away not one thought was givin, by any of us, that this stuff belonged to people who might want it back. It was just piled up and left out side to get rained on and destroyed.  I’m sorry to anyone that lost their stuff.

After about three weeks stright of this a RTC Sec Checker started showing up once a day taking a person and starting sec checks. This went on for another three weeks at least. Durring this time I had been writting Bronwyn letters, both of our birthdays had come and gone. The letters were really 2D stuff of how much I missed her and hoped that she was doing great and could not wait to see her soon etc. No natter no disaffection, At this point I was still in for the long haul. months of letters were sent with no reponce. it really started to become a PTP for me and I really had a huge Loss or at least I was mocking one up.

Finaly after making a bit of noise about this Shelly M came out to R factor me. I was told that all of our COMM was being intercepted while we were on the decks.  For me this was very off policy and not okay.  it was stopping a comm line. I told Shelly that I could see it if I was nattery or spreading enemy lines but this was anything but that. It was a husband trying to stay in comm with his wife and trying to flow her power in this uncertan time.  I could not understand why this would be done. Shelly get very loud at the fact that I would think to question her and tried to give me a SRA on the subject.  I then said that I did not care what she thought policy was policy and that this was a high crime. I then told her that I believed if LRH was on the lines that this would be handled differently.  I got extra sec checking over the next few days and full time OW write ups.  Then I was taken to the security shack and giving an order that I was to be assigned to the RPF’s RPF.  I was in complete shock and after sitting there for what seemed like hours I origanated that I wanted to route out of the Sea Org.  Paul Kennedy was one of the security guards and upon hearing this started screaming at me for what also seemed like hours.  I had been in HCO when I was in CMOCW and I knew the EP of the LSRF (leaving staff routing form) was a handled person that no longer wanted to leave.  At the time I thought of all this off policy and wanted to get back on policy the only way I knew how.

Well this was not okay and I was not allowed to route onto the LSRF.  I can say first hand that I was scared and that theese two men seemed like they would do anything to get me routed onto the RPF’s RPF. at one point I started to tremble and peed my pants due to fearing for my well being. I’m not proud of saying that but it is what happend.  After what was hours I agreed to route onto the RPF’s RPF.

to be cont…….

Heading up to CST

After three months of doing missions for CMOIXU and lots of sec checking I was approved to go up to CST. Laurel, a ex helicopter mechanic now HCO CST staff, showed up to bring me to the main CST base.  I had been living in Lebanon hall for the entire time that I was in PAC. This was during the IRS vetting Evolution, where INT management was going through every folder, ethics tech and admin, to vet out any and all evidence that LRH had been on the lines from 1982 (?) on. I believe that this was a big deal as the COS had stated that he had left the management lines around that time and the COS was afraid that they were going to get audited and wanted to cover (cover-up) any evidence that would stop them from tax exempt status.

It was late in the day that Laurel showed up to collect me. I had my bags packed and was ready to go. We jumped into the Honda civic LX and headed east. I had no idea how long or where we were going. On the ride up to Rim forest Laurel sorta filled me in on the basics of CST and how we related to the rest of the Sea Org.  I was shocked and tried not to show it. He said that only a few at the INT base knew about the location of CST so security was always to be kept in even at the INT base.  I was told that we did not wear Sea Org uniforms at the CST base. We had our own uniform so as to keep in PR with the locals.

We arrived to the base fairly late in the evening. New berthing had just been completed, across the street from the main base. I was very excited to see my 2D (Bronwyn) During the last three months we were in limited contact. I was able to call her but she was hard to get a hold of and mby only saw her a hand full of times while I was at PAC.  Bronwyn was the HCO Sec CST at the time, Which was a very difficult post. one of her main duties was manning up the org. This was a very hard task as there were qualled people out there but getting them off of their posts proved to be very hard indeed.

When Bronwyn and I were reunited it was one of the happiest days in my life. I had always put our love above the sea org and scientology. I understood that all these things were important but she was my everything. there is nothing I would not have done for her.  At that time I believed that the feeling was the same for her. She was my first true love and I was hers.

The next few weeks consisted of Reading all of the CST advises for my new org and getting placed in the org Board. I was to take over the post of Estates Sec CST. the current person on this post was being sent to the RPF at INT to get cleaned up (bruce Bolger.)

The entire staff at CST was about 18-21 people.  This made for a very skeleton crew. The only person in the estates division was Bruce. It would have seemed that he needed help not a replacement? for the next three weeks I took over the post. At that time there were 14 construction projects on going at the main CST base alone. Not to mention the external sites, Russ Bellin had taken over most of them at that time so I could handle the main base projects. Theses consisted of the underground storage facility, LRH home, new production building, the INT Execs log cabin, heated concrete pathways, landscaping, new laundry facilities and re-paving all the roads on the base.  After a week of taking over the hat of Esates Sec it occurred to me, on more than one occasion that Bruce had way to much on his plate and needed help not correction. Bruce was a fantastic estates sec and one hell of a guy. I would still be proud to call him my friend to this day.  Sadly the day came and Bruce was gone and I had to take over all of these projects. I had heard that I would be the third Estates Sec and that the other two had been routed directly to the RPF.  Not only did I have to take over all of these existing projects each thursday I had to make a weekly Report (with pictures and captions) that was routed to ASI and COB RTC via my DCO (Jim Issacson) and CO (russ Bellin.)  this was a very important part of my post. plus I had to take care of all of the basic Estates sec stats like Square paces.  I was up for the challenge and made it go right for quite a long time. 

After a few months of this I started completing projects and started to feel like mby I could get a handle on this post. at that time I was called in to the CO’s office and told that I would be joining him on a trip to one of the external bases.  Very few staff at the CST base even Knew there were any other bases other than our base at Rim forest.  Our plan was to go by that Caterpillar plant and finalize the generators that were to be sent to the New Mexico base. The vault had just been completed there and the LRH home was stalled and needed to be wrapped up, along with a runway and a few other things.  around this time Russ and Tom Vorm had been making quite a few trips overseas working of finalizing a capsule to house the archived LRh originals in as well as working on cutting a deal on the production of the new E- meters that were going to be produced.

to be cont……..

The FLAG Land Base in the 80’s

I want to start this post by saying that I do understand that people’s experiences differ and I in no way want to invalidate anyone or anything. This is my perspective.

Once I finished the EPF and had my messenger CSW approved from INT I was posted as the Cope Officer CMO CW.  The main thing I did was man missions for Action Bureau (with Gavin Potter) We spent 1,000’s of hours working out how to extract people out of the FSO, FC and FCB to man up out missions. When we could not find quailed people to go on these missions I often got recruited to go on them my self. I must have done about thirty missions while in the CMO.

In the mid to late 80’s at the FLB the COmmand Intention coming from INT was getting the FSO to achieve 1 million dollars a week in GI. At the time I never even thought to question the motives behind it. Looking back now it seems to me that the emphasis should have been on delivery and WD auditing hours. We were trained as messengers not to ask questions but to forward command intention. No questions were ever asked.  many evals were done into Div 2 of the FSO (by Richard Franklyn.) Whys were found and handlings implemented. The GI made it up to a million dollars and the FSO was moving right along.

Around this time a lot of changes were being made to the FLB. Ron Norton was still the Capt FSO. He was back and forth to INT getting “handled” and Jon Lundeen was the Finance Dir FLB. In the CMO things were also changing, our longtime CO (cheryl Dechef) was sent up lines along with Micky Lipton. We had a temp CO that crashed and burned in a matter of months. Fabio Gheoni, I often wonder what happend to him. But then Tom Devocht and Jenny showed up. I guess you have to take the good with the bad. The good being Tom and te bad being Jenny. 

Around this time my 2d and I were recruited for LRH archives. this meant leaving the FLB and heading to PAC. My 2D was sent first as I was in the middle of the INT Quals missions for the FLB.  My 2D made it up to LRH Archives and was posted as the HCO Sec. I finished up the missions and was sent to PAC to get my Clarence for LRH Archives. When I got to PAC I worked as a missionaire for CMO IXU. The HGB was being finished up and there was lot’s of missions being fired out of the Action Bureau CMO IXU. PAC was a whole different world from FLAG.  My clearances took quite a while as I was on missions and it was hard to fit in time to get sec checked. After about three months of missions and sec checking I finally got my CSW approved for LRH archives.

The day my life changed forever:

The drive to Archives was surreal. I really felt like I was going to a magical place. It had to be with all the precautions that were taken to keep it secret from all the other Sea Org members.  I was R factored that my messenger status did not matter anymore at Archives. This was a rather large ARC break for me as I took being a messenger very serious. I did not let it affect me as I was now charged with a higher purpose of safe guarding the actual Tech of LRH.  The trip from PAC was a few hours. I was very surprised that it was so close to INT and PAC. I was told that INT staff were not aware of the location of LRH Archives and that it was out security to speak of the base, its location etc to any INT staff members.  I was also told that to the local “wogs” that we were known as the Church Of Spiritual Technology but to the Sea Org and scientologists we were LRH Archives.

a messenger

CMOCW is the org where David Miscavige had been a messenger before he went up lines and took over the church. When I was recruited for the CMO in CW this was a big deal and all the messengers in the org were very proud of that fact that the COB had come from their org.

I started in on my CMOEPF which consisted of messenger Tr’s and lots of looking after the Execs in the CMO. At that time Cheryl Dechef was the CO. She was later called to INT and a Temp CO (fabio Gheoni) took over. he only lasted a month or two when Tom Devocht  (COCMOCW) and Jenny (DCOI) were posted in CMOCW.  Ron Norton was still the Capt FSO  and the main push that was coming from WDC/CMOI was getting FSO to make 1million a week in GI. Ron Norton and Jon Lundeen (dir Fin FLB) were all over the registration lines pushing for more GI.  I finished my CMO EPF and had my messenger CSW approved. I was very proud of being a messenger. I was ready to forward command intention and more importantly make LRH proud.

I was posted as the Cope officer CMOCW. We had a very tight nit org, I loved every one of my fellow messengers. I had just turned 16 by this time.  As the cope officer it seemed like all I did was Man missions and when I could not find people I would be selected to go on them.  I did about 30 missions into the FLB and a few into PAC. I did all of the Int quals missions into the FLB and got over 20 people sent up lines, SORRY : (.  Life was pretty great at the FLB during the mid to late 80’s. most of the stats were up and people got Libs. You were allowed to have your own car. We even started a Rugby Team and played a few matches with the local teams in Florida. 

the days of being a green horn were far behind me. I was fully on purpose and doing my part to clear the planet. I even met a girl who was fantastic and soon became the first love of my life. She was a 2nd generation seaorg member and also worked in CMOCW.  Her mother and father were both posted in the FSO.  It is funny that she never really got to hang out with them. Mby every other Sunday for an hour or two. It really never crossed my mind as odd, at the time.  none off the out points that I see now really struck me as glaring at the time. I guess I had rose colored glasses on and was ready to be the best sea org member I could be. 

I had not talked to my father in two years by this time. no mail and no phone conversations. Yet all the fear had passed and I was not even mad at him that he gave me away to scientology like that. I guess part of the reason was that I was working over 80 hrs a week and really did not have time to think about it. I now had a higher purpose and was expected to be and act OT every minute of everyday. Strange enough I did not have a problem with that.

a note

I would like to take the time at this point to say that I am just writing off of the top of my head. I have not saved this nor am I writing from notes. I’m sure to some this is painfully obvious. Sorry for that but this is the only way that I know how to say what i have on my mind. If you decided to bear with me, it should all make sence.  Leaving scientology and restarting my life was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I used the tools that I had available at the time, which was primarily LRH tech, to get by. For quite a few years I did not feel like I was living but more surviving. There were a few LRh quotes that I kept in my head to help me continue to move forward. ” life is in you today and you make your own tomorrows.” and ” the way out is the way through.” Know I know that these words and the meaning had been said Before LRH put them to paper but I learned them from LRH and it is to him that I give thanks for instilling the will in me to survive on all my dynamics.  

I also take a win for myself in being able to see that there is a vast amount of knowledge out there and if I were to close my eyes to all of this wealth I would become mentally poor.  I also do not think that LRH would have wanted me to only follow his words but to seek truth and really find out that what is true is what I believe to be so.  or as he would have said ” what is true, is what is true for you.”

the Estates Project Force at the Flag Land Base.

At the ripe old age of 14 I arrived In florida to start my service in the Sea Org. I remember thinking this is the first day of my one billion years of service to scientology. It was something that I had tried to get out of and was forced to do by my father.  when I got off of the plane something changed in me. Feeling trapped and now thousands of miles from my comfort zone Something in me clicked and I decided to make the best of my bad situation. I mean what choice did I really have. It was happening whether I liked it or not. A big weight lifted and the world seemed a little brighter.

When I made it to the fort Harrison Hotel I was told that I needed to complete a life history, IQ test and aptitude. The FH (fort Harrison) was a very busy place. There where uniformed people all over the place and lot’s of smiling people in street clothes. My first impression was, this was a very happy place. I was told by the Supercargo Flag Crew, who was VERY pregnant, that after I finished my tests I would be put in a shared dorm and would be starting the Estates Project Force the very next day.  

Life on the EPF was very interesting, getting up early trying to catch a bus to the FLB and getting in line for breakfast.   Trying to eat as fast as you could while running up to the top floor of the FH parking garage to attend muster.  Our days mostly consisted of cleaning rooms at the Sand Castle Hotel.  We were told that all of the people at the Sandcastle were very high up on the bridge. What was odd to me was that the rooms were nasty, they smelled and most of them were a complete mess.  We were told that we had to knock and say housekeeping as we entered the rooms. This was very hard for me as I was very embarrassed to be doing this. It some felt very degrading to me. the other part of the day was filled by working on renovations. we would work with a group of people who wear only black and ran everywhere, none of them would make eye contact or originate communication to anyone and they all wore arm bands.  Of course they talked to us EPf’ers and we all worked very well together. For the most part they were very up tone people with a lot of great stories.  The rest of our days were spent in the class room.  this was my favorite time of each day. I had just completed my student hat, at the SF ORG, and had a real love for the Green on white.  Every Tape, issue, HCOPL, OOD and HCOB I read felt like LRH was speaking directly to me.  I even liked doing Clay demo’s.  The list of courses varried a bit for each EPF’er but the core classes were basically the same. We were to complete the Staff status courses and basic Sea org member hat courses. My EPF lasted a little over three weeks. There were some that never finished their EPF and were FB’ed out. It made me feel like I had accomplished something and I was ready to be a productive staff member. All of the past fears I had were gone and I felt like I was now with the most ethical group on the entire planet, my love for LRH was welling and I wanted to do my part in making this a sane planet. I had no idea before I got to the FLB that it was not a sane planet?  I was now on purpose and ready to forward command intention.

I was very excited to be put on a post and start producing. I arrived back to the Flag Crew Supercargo to get my assignment, I had been told that I would be posted in HCO Flag Crew. When I got to her office there were two very intense and young people waiting with the supercargo. I was introduced and told that I had been traded to the CMO and I wold not be working in the HCO office of Flag Crew.  I was told that I needed to go and pack my stuff from the EPF berthing and I would be moved into another berthing. I would as well be starting the CMO EPF the next day.  I did not know what to think but I was ready to do what it took so I happily followed orders.

Hello world!

I was introduced to Scientology when I was 11years old. My uncle got my father and I into it because we were having trouble communicating. My uncle brought us to the Santa cruise mission. a few nights latter we were signed up for the H.A.S course (hard TR’s) and were out going door to door selling DMSMH’s. I was told that I would be out exchange if I did not make money and pay my father back for the course that we had signed up for. It was $50.00, to an 11yo this was a tun of money.

My father and I were having trouble communicating and the Tr’s course seemed to help us. We continued taking courses at the mission and helping out. After about a year of the missions we moved to the SF org. I started my student hat and my father was getting auditing. This was about the time of the “One Thin dime” protests. We both participated in the SF protests and spent time doing OTTRO on the courthouse. My father really got into is and went to the Portland crusade. I stayed behind continuing on my student hat course.  The SF org in the 80’s was a pretty bust place. Many Sea Org recruiters would come and go. I had talked with a few but was more interested in staying on course and becoming a teenager at that time.  We lived about an hrs BART ride from the SF ORG, It was fun talking the rail to go to class four times a week.

After doing the hard TR’s course and well into my Student hat a Sea Org mission came to the ORG. They had my name from the last missionaries that had been to the org and tried to recruit me when I was still only 13.  I was now 14 and getting ready to start my first year of High school. I was also being recruited very heavy for the Sea Org. Not only did the two (female) missionaries meet with me at the ORG they came to my house and met with me there. It sounded very fantastic to be apart of a group with such a awesome purpose. There was not a more ethical group around and they wanted me.  I still was not sure, to be honest very scared, that I wanted to commit 1 billion years to the Church of Scientology.  Don’t get me wrong I really liked being on course and loved all the people at the SF ORG.  It just seemed like an awful long time. I was only 14 years old and this was some pretty heavy stuff.

My father was still up in Portland and I was living with my great grand parents at the time.  I would not be able to sign a contract without my father’s permission and he was unreachable.  The mission left and things seemed to slide into a good pattern. I was, for the most, going to class and getting ready to start Highschool in the fall. I really felt I dodged a bullet and was glad that things were calming down.

One week before I was to start school I was brought into the Concord mission by my father. When we arrived the mission director was there along with a lady dressed in a navy uniform.  It was 5pm in the evening. I was asked to sit down. Not really understanding what was going on I did and then it hit me! these people were all there to get me to sign a Sea Org contract. I did not show my fear but they must have seen my face turn white.  The Sea Org recruiter was named Jan Carter. she started to tell me stories about being on the ship with LRH and all of the adventures that they had together.

I had written LRH a few times and received responses from him. I was very keen on the stories and I listened very intently.  after about 45 minutes I was asked if I thought that the Sea Org purpose was one I agreed with? I of course said yes but that I was looking forward to starting High school next week and that perhaps after that I might want to join.  The Mission Director said that they would all be very proud of me if I joined the most ethical group on the planet, my father nodded his approval.

My father was out qualledto join the Sea Org as he had taken way to many drugs in the 60’s and 70’s. I again said that I was happy to be taking courses and would rather keep doing that and stay around all of my friends.  I had been hanging around my friends and ditching class at the SF ORG.  Once this came up I received my first RPEC by the Sea Org recruiter to handle this out ethics situation.  the three of them continued pressuring me for the next four hours and I kept resisting, I was doing a pretty good job at it or so I thought. Finlay my father turned my chair around and told me that he had already purchased a one way ticket to the Flag Land Base. With tears in my eyes I signed to Sea Org contract, knowing that there was no way of talking my way out of it.

My father drove me home I packed up my things and went to sleep. I was awoken early the next morning by my father telling me it was time to go.  We did not speak more than a few words on the way to the airport. All I remember of the drive to the airport was the Way to Happiness album playing on repeat. If I knew then that would have been the last time I would see my father in person I would have hugged him and never let go.  I did not and I held back the tears as I took the one way ticket from him to Tampa/St Pete.  I was 14 years old and had just signed a contract to the church of Scientology for the next Billion years.  I was taking my first plane ride, three thousand miles to a place that I had only seen in magazines.